So, here it is, day 7 of my isolation. Just wanted to give everyone an update:
Alex and I are healthy. We have been doing our utmost to avoid all contact with everyone outside of each other. Grocery shopping has become a war campaign: The car is armed with our lone bottle of Hand Sanitizer. We also have disinfectant wipes at the ready. We plot out EXACTLY what we need and where we are going to get in and out as quickly and efficiently as possible.
We still take the boys out for walks three times a day. Our morning walk usually consists of our regular routine. I wait until 7:00 am now before venturing out but, we still walk for almost an hour. We try to stay to regular routes.
What has now differed is that I try to take a picture every day on our routes – something that strikes my fancy or catches my eye.
I am going to try and find interesting stuff every day on my walks. It is definitely going to help keep me occupied.
So, there’s this nasty virus making its way around the world. It is contagious and is spreading. Nations around the world are struggling to get the infection rate under control. One of the simplest ways to bring this disease under control is to “flatten the curve”. This also means that any number of things have to happen including: social distancing, washing your hands (who would have thought we would have to spell this one out to people?) and shutting down facilities where large numbers of people congregate. This includes things like gyms, community centres and unfortunately, community theatres.
This makes me so sad. The cast and crew have worked so hard on this production. This is one that I am especially proud to be associated with. The story resonates with me in so many ways and on so many levels.
We are on a self-imposed hiatus until March 29, when the cast, crew, and board of Vagabond Players will meet to determine when (or if) the show will air. During that time, we will monitor the situation closely with regards to levels of transmission and infection.
In the meantime, I urge anyone who reads this blog post to follow simple steps:
So, I know I am most likely going to be mocked for this but, I am sad today. We lost another member of our family last night.
Swim in peace
We have had this little beauty for almost 6 years. During that time, she grew from the size of a looney to the size of a baseball. She never complained and just spent her life just being. In the last year, she developed a number of infections which I fought to cure. I spent hundreds of dollars on medications on her (whatever you do, don’t tell Alex that).
I thought we had turned the corner on her maladies last month when she began to swim erratically again. She would lie on the bottom of the tank upside down fighting to breathe. She would rally and start to swim upright again only to succumb to the effects of her maladies. Last night, it just got to be too much for her.
We will bury her in our backyard along with Lucky – our budgie and Caramel – our lion head bunny.
5 years ago today, I lost one of my best friends and my staunchest supporter in my family. I want to share my eulogy to her with you.
So, we are here today to celebrate the life of my sister. Wow, never thought those words would be coming out of my mouth.
To try and sum up her life in just a few words is impossible, but, I am going to try.
Anna was an intensely private individual. She rarely showed what was truly going on in her life. But, when she let you in, you were in her life forever or at least until you pissed her off….
My earliest memories of Anna were when (and I am regaled with this tale by my mother on many an occasion) I was very young. Apparently, I was angry with everyone at home and decided I was going to run away. So, mom packed up a lunch for me, gave me my favourite blanky and my teapot (I have no idea why a teapot, but, what the heck… shades of my future self perhaps?), a fistful of pennies, a sandwich and some koolaid. And off I went. I didn’t wander far, just around the block, as I knew I wasn’t allowed to cross the street. I eventually came home, but I am told just for refills….
Anna had to follow me from a discreet distance and make sure that nothing ever happened to me.
That is who my sister was: She was my protector.
Anna was funny. When I was 10 or 12 years old, the family went on one of the BHUTAN DEATH MARCH vacations. You know the type of trip I am talking about? The trip where the family patriarch gathers kith and kin into the car at the crack of dawn and begins the never-ending journey to wherever it was that we were going at break-neck speed just to see if he could beat the traffic. You needed a bathroom break? Hah! We just had a break when we filled up for gas 5 hours ago. And you need to go AGAIN? Hungry? Eat some beef jerky that we scored at the last gas station. Carsick? Meh, just roll down the rear window of the station wagon and let ‘er rip on the car following too close behind (that did actually happen to me).
But, I digress. We were eventually in Disneyland: The Magic Kingdom. The land of eternal joy for kid and adults alike. Unknown to us, it was also the land of pervs dressed in costumes.
Anna, being young and pretty caught the eye of one lecherous looking Goofy. He proceeded to chase her around the parking wanting a “Hug”. Anna wanted none of it. She started darting around people, screaming “Mother” at the top of her lungs all the while Goofy was lurching after her, arms open. Eventually, she lost him in the crowd and I sat there and laughed, as this was the funniest thing I had ever seen. She got her revenge on me, though by dragging me on to the Matterhorn. And thus began my life long fear of amusement park rides. Thanks, Sis.
Anna was my cohort at family functions. Case in point: when my aunt would come to a Zylstra family function, she would often zero in on a family member who had somehow given her a self-perceived slight at some point in time between these visits. That person would be cornered at some point in the evening and my aunt’s ginsu-sharp tongue would leave her victim in a pile of blubbering mess on the floor.
One year, it was my turn.
As I walked in the door from my flight from Vancouver, Anna grabbed me, a bottle of Black Tower wine (Yes, black Tower…) and we hid in the basement until my aunt left. We sat there in the semi-darkness, giggling and passing the wine back and forth daring each other to go and find my aunt. My aunt would eventually give up and went home. A major tongue lashing avoided.
Anna was my confidante. When I was struggling to accept who I was, she was the first family member I talked to. She merely hugged me and told that it was okay. She still loved me and nothing would change that. With that simple statement, I felt like I could breathe. If Anna could accept me, then everything else in the whole world could suck and I would still be okay.
Anna was the first family member I introduced Alex, my husband to. Back in June of 2003, we made the treacherous journey from Vancouver to Edmonton to meet the family (insert dramatic music here)… The first person we saw was Anna. We met for coffee when Anna was still working at West Edmonton Mall.
After a very friendly coffee, I excused myself to go to the bathroom and she looked over at Alex and said with nary a thought, “You’re a couple, aren’t you?” Alex answered quickly, “Yes” and with that, she hugged him, welcomed him warmly into the Zylstra fold and told him she was “glad that Al had someone in his life, finally.”
When Alex and I decided to get married, Anna was the first family member we told. She was thrilled for us. Almost as much as we were.
Anna was smart, funny, brave, considerate and stubborn. And she could fight the best of us. When the Zylstra men got into our usual Christmas Eve family gatherings, or as I liked to call them, “the WWE Main Event”, the discussions were frank, loud (really loud) and passionate. We argued over politics, religion, politics, news, politics, human rights, politics…. Did I mention “Politics”?
When the arguments became too much for Anna, she would call on us to stop being so “REDUNDANT”. I am not sure if she knew what “redundant” meant. But, the over-riding thought was for us to stop being juvenile, argumentative and just get along.
Redundant. A good word and one she used a lot. The real meaning of the word redundant is:
Characterized by verbosity or unnecessary repetition in expressing ideas.
Being in excess; exceeding what is usual or natural
Having excess or duplicate parts that can continue to perform in the event of malfunction of some of the parts.
Being characterized by redundancy; being predictable.
So, I am going to tell you today in Anna’s words: Don’t be REDUNDANT.
Don’t go through the rest of your life being unnecessarily repetitive. Say it once and MEAN IT.
Don’t be a duplicate, a copy of everyone else. Be unique. Be yourself.
Matter to someone….anyone!
Don’t be predictable. Shake up your life and make it matter.
So, by now most of you are aware that I have ended my relationship with the Metro Theatre. I was sad to go but, it was the right decision for me. As soon as news got out that I had left, I was contacted by my good friend, Miles who put me in contact with Vagabond Players in New Westminster.
I am now stage managing for Vagabond Players. What a great opportunity. I look forward to a long and productive relationship with this group.
Vagabond Players is the oldest community theatre in British Columbia. The origins of the society go back to 1922 with the Unity Club at St. Aidan’s Church. In 1937, the members of this club formed the current society, picking the name “Vagabond Players” to avoid their being confused with the St. Aidan’s youth group and because they didn’t have a permanent home for their productions. In 1950, the City of New Westminster furnished the Vagabond Players with its current home, which was a run-down former Fisheries Provincial Exhibition Building. Initially intended for theatre storage, the members of the club decided to fix the building up as a theatre, and in January 1951 the first production, Strange Bedfellows, was staged.
During the past 80 years, the Society has presented over 350 productions, including many classics and premieres of locally written plays. Several well known people have trod these boards including Dolores Kirkwood, Ed Harrington, Bruno Gerussi, Bernie Legge, and Raymond Burr. Constant improvements have been made to the theatre over the years, all done through the volunteer efforts of members of the club with assistance from the City of New Westminster. The jewel of a playhouse you see today is the result of thousands of hours provided by several generations of Vagabonds all totally committed to the theatre that they love.
It was 18 years ago today that I met the man I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. He has been my staunchest supporter, my partner in crime, my rock, my everything.
I can’t imagine my life without him. I don’t tell him often enough how much he means to me. I do, however, regale him with tales of the nature, consistency, texture, frequency and format of our dogs’ bowel movements on a daily basis. If that ain’t love, I don’t know what is.
February 2 makes a sad anniversary. It was on that day, 17 years ago that I had to say goodbye to my dad.
We were never very close when I was growing up. I always felt that he was somehow disappointed in my being gay. It wasn’t until the end of his life that I discovered that was never the case. He just didn’t know how to tell me that he was proud of me and he loved me just the way I was. How I wish I could have just five more minutes with him to tell him that he did an amazing job raising me and my siblings.
When Alex and I were in the Netherlands in 2018, we were able to visit the cemetery where Dad’s ashes were laid to rest in the crypt holding his beloved mother and father.
When we were there, I was able to spend a few minutes by myself with my thoughts and so we got to talking. I told him about my life, about Alex and how things were so good with me. I think he would be happy to know that.
2020 has already started off with a bunch of huge changes for me.
Home life is going well. Alex’s health issues are slowly resolving themselves. There will always be health concerns both physical and mental, but Alex is such a resilient man and has found ways to make them all manageable.
Last year, he had cataract surgery on his right eye and the results have been spectacular. Since the procedure, though, he has developed a “floater”. It is not dangerous but, can be quite bothersome. We are meeting with his ophthalmologist to discuss any possible options to get rid of the floater.
We are also in the process of looking for a new doctor. Our last doctor, a wonderful Nurse Practitioner, Leslie Mills decided that the two hour commute to the medical centre we use was just too much. I don’t blame her. To spend 4 hours a day commuting is ridiculous. So, we have been waiting for our medical centre to contact us about a new doctor. Somehow, I suspect that this is going to take a number of phone calls.
Work has been going well. I have finally been able to pull back from a 7 day a week schedule for the last few months. East Side Rerides’ business is slow during the first quarter of the year – sort of makes sense. Not many people are driving their motorcycles during the colder and wetter months. I will probably be heading back to working there a few Sundays a month starting in late February. I hope so. I do so enjoy working there.
Pets First – the pet food supplier that I work for is also not that busy for me at the moment. They have hired new staff and so I suspect that my hours will be cut back even further. I am okay with that. I make decent money there but, I am getting tired and want to actually have some Saturdays to myself.
Work at IRIS is always busy and after another record year in sales, I find myself working to surpass last year’s results. That in itself will be a challenge but, it is one I am up for. I love my time at IRIS.
On the Stage Managing front, I have found the biggest changes. Due to recent events that I won’t go into, I have left the Metro Theatre. I left there very abruptly and that pained me so much. But, I found that circumstances at the theatre made me decide to leave. Word travels quickly in the theatre community in the lower mainland. The very next morning, I had two emails from other theatre companies wanting my services.
So, I have accepted a Stage Managing gig at the Vagabonds Theatre in New Westminster. The play is called Next Fall and I cannot wait to start working on it. A synopsis is below
Luke believes in God. Adam believes in everything else. “Next Fall” portrays the ups and downs of this unlikely couple’s five-year relationship with sharp humor and unflinching honesty. And when an accident changes everything, Adam must turn to Luke’s family and friends for support… and answers. “Next Fall” offers a picture of modern romance, asking questions about commitment, love, and faith.
This production goes from April 2 – 25 with three Sunday matinees. I hope everyone can make it out to see it at the Bernie Legge Theatre in Queens Park, New Westminster.
The other big news is that Alex and I are heading back to Europe in September! This will be another adventure for the two of us. This time around, we are going to try and hit other countries. We will, hopefully have time to visit Belgium, Germany, Denmark, and hopefully France. Itinerary to be worked on.
So, you are now all caught up with what is going on with us. And here is a collage of my two boys just ‘cuz.
2019 was a busy year for Alex and me. Here is recap of the year
January
I started on my fitness goal of walking. Little did I know that it would become an obsession. I started slowly. Walking for 30 minutes in the morning with Phantom and Beau – getting them up and out of the house for their morning constitutional. My legs were screaming after about 20 minutes, but, I persisted. Eventually, I was able to do the distance and give the boys a good round of exercise every morning.
Started rehearsals in earnest for Up & Coming – a British Sex Farce. So much fun working on this show. Great Cast and Crew
Cast of Up and Coming
January was also the last time I would ever see my mom.
Miss her so much
Work was off to good start. Renovations in the office began in earnest. A new office for me was in the offing.
February
My morning walks increased to an hour now. The boys were not too thrilled as they felt it was imperative that they go out, do their business and then make a bee-line for home. That was not the case. Alex had taken it upon himself to reward the boys for every little thing they did so their weight began to balloon. With the morning walks, we managed to get their weight back down to where it was supposed to be.
And Up & Coming Opens. Behold my home for three weeks.
March
March was a tough month. I pulled a hamstring in my left leg and I was in pain for what felt like months – actually, it was months. But, I persisted in continuing my walks. I was slowly losing weight. In January, I weighed 115 kg and by March, I was down to 110 kg. So, that was further motivation to continue the walks.
April
April saw me going to various events – the Vancouver Zoomer Show.
Check out the shoes!!!!
On Monday, April 22, 2019 Mom passed away peacefully in her sleep. Her last months were hard on her. She became more despondent, confused, angry and afraid. We were forced to put her in a psychiatric ward at the facility where she was living. Fortunately, she was in that ward for a very short period of time. I miss her so much. I have a file on my cloud drive with all the letters I wrote her in the last three years of her life. I re-read them every so often and somehow, they give me some comfort.
My sister Anna’s Grave Marker
Mom and Dad’s Grave Marker
May
In May, I traveled to Kamloops for another event. I got to hang out with my fellow IRIS folks and had a blast. I also got to go see Avengers: Endgame. Worth the trip alone to see that film
June
In June, I was able to get a few days off and I headed off to Edmonton to see the Grave Markers for Mom, Dad and Anna. I was also able to meet up with these people who I wrote about in one of my previous posts. These people were my second family growing up in St. Albert.
I was also able to spend a day with Pat and his partner, Barb out at their lake campsite. Great fun.
Dragon Boat Festival!!!
I had the privilege of Stage Managing my 13th Dragon Boat Festival and as usual, it was a blast.
June was also the month that my good friend, Scott married the love of his life, Sarah. It was a great event and Alex and I had a blast hanging out with Scott, Sarah, Shelley and other former coworkers.
Beautiful ceremony for Scott and Sarah
Former Trade Exchange Co-Workers
Such a handsome couple
July
Events galore!
Lots happened in July. First was Canada Day Celebrations on Granville Island. This is an annual gig for me. I have done it for about 8 years now. It is so much fun. Can’t wait to head back there again next summer.
July was also the month that Alex FINALLY got his second cataract surgery.
And now he can see!!!!
My next project was a small play at the Bernie Legge Theatre in New Westminster. Through a good friend, Myles, I was introduced to Alexandra Wilson – Artistic Director for the Page Theatre. , as well as a whole cast. The play was Run for your Wife. One of the best times I have had working on a play and I made a few bucks! Whoop! Whoop!
August
August was another busy month. I wound up working at the Steveston Dragon Boat Festival. Another fund day. But, I wasn’t stage managing. This event I found myself selling beer and wine tickets. I cannot believe how busy I was….
August also brought some additional sadness to our household. Caramel, our gorgeous Lion Head Rabbit suddenly died. I was devastated. I cannot believe how attached I was to this sweet little girl. Alex buried her in our backyard with a nice little grave marker. She will be missed
September
September brought Alex and me back to the East Coast. Alex’s daughter, Ashley was getting married and it was the social event of the season, I presume. Our first stop was in Toronto where we had a 36 hour layover. We had a beautiful hotel room and had a great dinner at a local eatery.
The next day, we spent the day in Toronto. Had way too much fun there. Definitely going to go back there again someday soon.
When we left Toronto and headed for Moncton, we were somewhat relieved to be on our way. Alex was so happy to reunite with Ashley.
The wedding itself was magical. You can see pictures and more information on my site here
After the wedding, we had a great time visiting with Angela and her man, Glen in Halifax.
Enjoying the docks in Halifax
We spent one of our last days driving around Nova Scotia with Angela and Glen.
Lunenberg and the surrounding areas
I wasn’t home for more than three days and I was off again. This time, I was off to Penticton for the Royal Canadian Legion’s annual conference for BC and the Yukon. I had a lovely drive through the mountains to get there.
I scored me one of the best pieces of Swag EVER
The world’s best backscratcher!!!!
Ran into this woman. Heather was my cohort when I was with the Rainy City Gay Men’s Chorus. She became one of my dearest friends at the Chorus. She also stood up for Alex when we got married. I couldn’t think of a better person to do it.
October
October brought me to Edmonton once again to see the family. It was supposed to be my last trip to Edmonton for the foreseeable future, but, I had such a great time visiting with my brothers, sisters in-law and my niece, Kathy that we have decided to try and do a dinner at least a couple of times a year.
November
November has presented me with another play. Once again, i am stage managing a comedy called Always a Bridesmaid. Rehearsals began in earnest and it is going to be a fun show.
On the work front, I am still working for East Side Rerides. Working with one of my favourite people, Elaine.
She pays me to laugh and boy, do we ever!
In November, we celebrated our 16th anniversary. A sumptuous dinner at a local eatery was just what the doctor ordered
I also got to play Santa again for IRIS. I have mellowed a lot in my old age as I rather enjoy being Santa. Even my dogs seem to appreciate my efforts
And that brings us to December. Everything is starting to slow down and Alex and I are going to be having a very quiet Christmas this year. I have some extra time off over the holidays and we will be using it to relax, do some work around the house and just enjoying each other’s company.
Alex has put up with a lot from me this year with my work schedule and I want him to remember that he will always be the most important person in my life.
2020 is looking to be another great year for us. We are planning a return trip to Europe. Our plan is to stay in the Netherlands for a couple of days, then get a couple of Eurail Passes and take the train all the way through France, Spain and wind up in Portugal. Fingers Crossed!
Al Zylstra 