Al Zylstra

It has been a few weeks since I wrote last and while a lot has been going on the world, I have tried to insulate myself from the majority of it.

My own life has been hectic enough.

Alex, my amazing husband has been diagnosed with Tinnitus – according to everyone’s favour psychosomatic website:  webmd categorizes Tinnitus as:  Tinnitus (pronounced   ti-ni-tis), or ringing in the ears, is the sensation of hearing ringing, buzzing, hissing, chirping, whistling, or other sounds. The noise can be intermittent or continuous, and can vary in loudness.

It has been a real strain on Alex.  I do not know if I could handle all the crap that this man has been through in the past 5 years.  Suffice to say, he has risen to the challenge and is going to overcome this, too.

He is scheduled to trial hearing aids which have been shown to alleviate Tinnitus.  I am hopeful.  The cost is not cheap, though.  $5,900!  Eeek.  But, that is what credit cards, financing and lines of credit are for, right?

On the work front, things have been busy!  As always.  I have, however cut my number of jobs back from 5 to 4!  Yay!  I am no longer working 7 nights a week booking appointments and talking to people about eye health.  I was able to move out of that job.  My former co-worker, Elisha has transitioned into that position and I am thrilled.

But, that still leaves me with 4 jobs.

My latest gigs are the Canadian International Dragon Boat Festival taking place on June 22 – 24, 2018 down at False Creek in Vancouver.  This is an annual event and I am thrilled to be the Stage Manager for the World Beat Stage for the 10th year!  And I get paid!!!!

This is a weekend long festival and I get to not only work with some amazing people but, I get to listen to great music.

The following weekend, I am overjoyed to be the Green Room Manager for Canada Day Celebrations on Granville Island.  This is such a fun gig.  I get to herd cats and nail Jell-O to the wall – not really, it just seems like it.  When it comes to performers, they are a flighty breed.  But, I get to work with fun people again.  Plus, I get paid!!!!!

Between these two gigs, I will have enough spending money for Alex’s and my upcoming trip to The Netherlands!  Did I forget to mention that?  Yup, Alex and I are off to the land of my ancestors for two weeks in September.

Airfare, hotel and car rental are all booked and paid for.  EEEK!  So, now it is just getting our spending money together.  We will be staying at a beautiful apartment hotel in Amsterdam just minutes from Schiphol Airport.  We will be spending a few days just touring Amsterdam and the balance of the trip will be checking out the country.

I have been there 4 times but, I never really got to see much other than relatives’ homes.  Now is the time to see Amsterdam, the Hague, Rotterdam, Utrecht, Bolsward, Sneek, and so many other places.

I have also been in touch with a few cousins there and we will be meeting up with them.  One of my second cousins – Tjalline will be acting as a local tour guide for us.  I am so happy to have her join us.

Isn’t she gorgeous?  I can’t wait to see her again.  We met back in 2004 when I traveled to the Netherlands with my mom to inter my dad’s ashes in the family crypt.  She was sweet, funny, charming and great to hang out with.

In the meantime, I am still traveling to Edmonton every 4 – 6 weeks to see my mom.

My mom’s  dementia continues its inexorable descent.  I am resigned to it.  But, it still hurts to see her this way.  She is frightened, angry, confused and so despondent.

I know that moments after I leave, she has forgotten that I was there, but, I will continue to go and see her as often as I can.  Those brief moments that she stays in the here and now are truly wondrous.  I bring along my tablet and bring up pictures of family members – long forgotten by me and my siblings – and something amazing happens:  SHE KNOWS THEM – SHE REMEMBERS THEM!  So, we talk about them – who they were, how she knew them and in those moments, my Mom is back.

She is vibrant, happy and Mom!  But, those moments never last long enough.

My last visit, I experienced what my other family members experience:  her sadness, her anger, her fear and it manifests itself in horrid ways.  She cursed.  She cried.  She demanded that I take her away from where she is.  She BEGGED for her life to be over and in that moment, I was crushed.

I tried to console her.  I spoke to her about the family and how we wanted her to be happy.  I tried changing the subject.  I tried to get her to look at more pictures.  Nothing worked.  Her head just sank to her chest and she began to cry.  The dementia had taken its hold on her and it was a death-grip.  No amount of effort was going to let her go.

She then dismissed me.  She told me to leave.  She didn’t want to see me anymore.  Those words were like little daggers in my heart.  I know that she didn’t mean them and didn’t know what she was saying.  Nonetheless, it hurt like nothing I had ever experienced before.

So, I left.  I drove my rental back to the airport and spent the next 5 hours sitting at the terminal just feeling numb.  But, I will survive.  My mom raised me to be tough and so I will get over this.  I will continue to see her as often as possible and I will put these circumstances away.  They do no one any good.

She is my Mom.

And now for a bit of joy.  Meet Annie!  She is a goat that I met when I went to pick up supplies for our menagerie.

My coworker, Laura is obsessed with Goats and so I sent her these pictures.  Her response:  STEAL IT!

Tempting, but, no.

So, another whirlwind trip to visit my mom. As always, I am a bit apprehensive about these visits. One can never be sure of my mom’s state. Fortunately, this has been a good visit.

She is relatively lucid and calm. Mom loves to talk about her family and I encourage it. Those memories, while distant and vague are the ones that allow her to focus and be able to share with certainty. I am forever grateful for.these chances to learn from my mom.

So, after my parents were married, their lives began to move forward very rapidly.  The Second World War had been over for about 5 years and the vast majority of Europe was still dealing with recovery, rebuilding and renovating.

The Netherlands was hit especially hard and the economy was faltering.  Employment opportunities were few, especially in the rural areas.  My parents were soon looking for new opportunities.  In 1950, my oldest brother was born and my parents felt it was time to move to the big city where more lucrative employment opportunities lay.

Off to Amsterdam they went.  They found a home on a houseboat in one of the canals in Amsterdam (I am so jealous.  I have always wanted to live on a houseboat).

They stayed in Amsterdam when my sister, Anna was born in December, 1952.

The birth announcements in the Netherlands include siblings.  Something I found a bit odd.

They stayed on the houseboat until 1953 when my Paternal Grandmother approached my dad and talked to him.  It seems that my two youngest uncles were not able to find work.  My grandmother was desperate to provide them with a better life.  So, my dad packed up my mom, my two siblings and his two brothers.  They boarded the SS Groete Beer, a refurbished American Troopship from World War II.

This is a copy of the ship’s passenger manifest.

And so, my parents, my brother, sister and two uncles set sail to Canada to start their new life.

 

 

 

Every year, my company does what they call, a “Road Show”. This is an opportunity for staff from various locations across the region to get together. We do this to learn how the company fared in the previous year. More importantly, we get the chance to bond, to renew old acquaintances, friends and form new relationships.

I love the energy, the excitement, the joie de vivre that my fellow IRIS people have not only at these types of events, but, all the time.

We get to learn about new innovations in the optical industry and see how we have positioned ourselves.

I also get to hang with my IRIS family and nothing gives me greater pleasure than to visit with these people.

 

The department that I work in also got to shine with their moment in the sun.  Debbi, my boss, my friend, my confidante, my sister and one of my best friends was able to show that our tiny department with only 4 people – Debbi, me, Eleana (my compatriot in Quebec) and my work wife, Laura managed to generate over $7 million dollars in Net Sales in 2017.  We are going to double that in 2018 – mark my words.

 

I also learned today that our next corporate trip is to one of the places that is on mine and Alex’s list of places to visit – to consider for our retirement: COSTA RICA

So, we will be going next January to check it out!!!

So, I know that I have been writing a bunch of posts in the last while that are… well, not dark in tone, but, maybe dusk-like.  I have been remembering (and mourning) my father’s passing, my sister’s passing and my mother’s descent into dementia.  The posts have had their bright spots but, the tone is decidedly not-happy.

I am going to try to fix that.  I have been in communication with some of my siblings and their spouses about collecting family photos.  My sister in-law, Sharon was able to supply with a great series of photos of my parents, their siblings and their parents.

I was over the moon when I started scrolling through the pictures that she had shared with me.

My parents, as you may have heard in my post about my mom, met when my mother and her father ran into my dad at the market.  My dad, a natural born flirt, kept asking my mom out and eventually, he wore her down.  She accepted and the rest is history.  They married on June 8, 1949.

Their Wedding Announcement

One of the best pictures of my parents on their wedding day

Such a beautiful couple

In the Netherlands, you have two weddings.  The first is done at City Hall where the marriage is registered and the second is at the Church for the religious ceremony. This photo is taken on the steps of City Hall.

A horse drawn carriage ride to the Church.  Can it get any more romantic than that?

I loved the fashions of the day.  The style.  The grace.  The looks simply are divine.

They certainly were stylish and knew how to party.

Signing the registry at City Hall

The matriarchs of the clan.

My mom’s oldest brother was the Master of Ceremonies.  Love the top hat!

My mom and her sister.  One of the best pictures of the two of them.

Not really the Andrews Sisters, but, certainly an enthusiastic performance.

Smokin’ styles

I have begun recording more of my mom’s memories during my visits to see her in the nursing home in Edmonton.  These memories are my small attempt at keeping her mind active and focused.

The Dementia prevents her for focusing on the immediate events in her life.  As a result, she finds herself feeling lost, lonely and scared.  Rightfully so.  This disease robs her of her confidence, her joie de vivre, her sense of self.  I hate how she looks so alone and frail.

The glimpses I catch of my mom where she is the woman I admired growing up are when we are able to talk about her past.  Her story, while is one that I know well, is still one that I treasure.  She is able to recall names, faces, places, dates and events with a great deal of clarity.  Those are the memories I am able to record through her words and photos.

It is my goal to record as many memories as I can while she can recall them.   Over the coming weeks and months, I will be adding them to my site.  I hope you can enjoy them as much as I have.  Each memory sheds more light on to my mom’s family and friends.

I am privileged to be the conduit for these memories.

Stay tuned.

Here at the 2018 Zoomer Show at the Vancouver Convention Centre representing IRIS. I love my job.

It is just after 8 am, the condo we are in is quiet, serene and yet surrounded by activity. Somehow, the hustle and bustle of the gulls as they swoop in and around the beach looking for those unlucky crustaceans who were foolhardy enough to venture close to the shore just adds to the calm.

I have just finished Beau and Phantom’s morning constitutional and they have crawled back into bed with Alex. Alex is sound asleep and the boys love that. I swear the three of them are part cat. They would sleep 18 hours a day if they could. Alex would do so because he has struggled for so long to find the right balance in his life. The boys, on the other hand, would sleep because it is so GLORIOUS to be that carefree.

Phantom has become a snorer. Almost as bad as me, apparently.

Beau just snuggles up as close to any source of heat as he can. His favourite position is splayed out UNDER the covers with his back up against a leg, back, chest or butt. He is an equal opportunity heat seeking dog.

Anyways, back to me. I am sitting in a comfortable chair, feet up, sipping on a hot mug of tea and reflecting on nothing in particular. The waves are lapping on the beach and the sky is grey. Not the ominous grey that foretells a day of incessant rain, like yesterday, but the grey that drifts over the West coast reminding residents that the days of sunshine are coming but, only when they are damn good and ready.

It is these quiet times that give me enough time to just be. Ok, I love these times.

Not just these times. I LOVE my life. I am married to an amazing man who puts me above everyone and everything else (except his daughter, the dogs, the rabbits, the fish, the birds and his plants, of course). I have a nice home. It isn’t much, but, it is mine. I have the best “logical family” in the world. I have great jobs – yes, I said “jobs”. I have a few dollars in the bank. We are debt free with the exception of the car loan and our mortgage.

I am healthy – for the most part.

I am content.

There are sad parts, though. My Mom’s descent into dementia fills me with a degree of sadness that I have a hard time articulating. I wish I was closer to her so I could spend more time with her. I am lucky, though that I can afford to fly to see her once a month.

But, when I do see her, she beams at me. Her world, just for a moment, seems less confusing, less scary, and less lonely. At least, I hope it is. We spend hours together and just talk. I have taken a small recorder with me so I can record her memories. The memories of her youth are the most powerful ones she had. We talk about her parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. Anything to help lift the veil for just a moment. And in those moments, fleeting, though they are, I see My Mom. She is there and she is happy.

Today, when Alex gets up, we will head to the beach. We will take the boys and let them dig in the sand, chase gulls and just be.

Sounds like an awesome way to spend a day, doesn’t it?

Until next time.

Well, we made it. Weather has decided to cooperate. We have a beautiful one bedroom suite overlooking the water. Hello relaxation.